Part One
Once upon a time, in a far away land, there
lived a boy named Zac. His friends called him "Orange Dreamsicle", but he had no friends, so he never could ask them why they
called him that.
Zac was a very hard, working boy who commonly did
things such as mow other people's front lawns, or drive an ice cream truck for fun. You see, the land in which Zac lived produced
the world's best ice cream. It was so good, almost no one used condiments. It's motto? " Ice Cream...because
you can't masticate all the time!" But, Zac called it home.
When he was about 15, he said g-bye to his parents and moved
into an old abandoned band hall. He remodeled it with his ice cream truck driving money, but left in all 8 practice rooms,
because everyone knows the best place to have ice cream is in a practice room. There's something about the
florescent lighting...the ugly blue carpet...the squeaky music stand...and the way the room echoes every move you make that
multiplies your ice cream experience by 20,000,000,000. Practice rooms benefitted Zac's preference of ice cream (no condiments
except for nuts on sundaes only) very much.
Good ice cream, however, was expensive. Sadly, Zac bought so much Ice cream, he ran out of money and had to borrw money from his
friends. He then had to produce and sell ice cream himself out the of the very practice rooms he had once paid for
it in. Fortunately for Zac, he was very good at producing ice cream, and soon paid off his severe debt to his friends Abel
and Bevers (even though he had no friends).
Although he was now debt-free and slightly wiser, he continued
to offer ice cream from his home, and grew richer and richer. At one point, he was almost better than Abel at licking bowls.
Abel, however, was still #1 (or was that Chanel? ). Soon he was so rich he didn't have to produce his own ice cream for selling.
Instead, he sold the ice cream of others. Zac soon developed a 3 minute ice cream record, despite his short-cummings.
*ahem * He still couldn't compete with Abel's record of 2 minutes and 49 seconds, however, so he worked long,
and hard to win. After much effort and chafe-age, he finally beat Abel and was officially declared the world's biggest
W.H.O.R.E. (world hero of rowdy entertainment).
Satisfied with this title, he gave up the competition, and
lived a long fruitful life polishing his impressive monkeywrench collection, and doing your mom.
Part Two
It is the year 2020. When last we saw our favorite
W.H.O.R.E., he was 18, and rolling in money and his own private ice cream pool. He is now 31, and possesses nine children,
who are hidden away on an island, being taken care of by Brittany Collard, in a vain attempt by her to make him love her.
Sadly, all 9 of his
children were accidental. (he totally ruined abel's career as a star whore, and became the victorious whore. Anyway...) The
children, from oldest to youngest, include: Zackari, Zudgy, Laurdean, Chenille, Zackari II, Deanel, llama, Dackery, and Jessary.
They were produced in
a variety of incidents over a period of 5 years involving: Glow-in-the-dark condiments, vacuuming, prolonged cell phone usage,
a bowl licking contest, and a mysterious ice cream truck accident involving convicted child molester brian peterson, and a
dead cow.
His last child, Jessary,
was conceived at a spontaneous ice cream social, and is destined to grow up and be truly the world's greatest
W.H.O.R.E., and will be the best at licking bowls.
